So here’s a cool story:
Several months ago, I asked a young lady on ‘an adventure’1. We had just stepped off the bus and all her friends were there. They smiled, they laughed, she froze. Not a great sign, but she said she’d message me. Guess what happened…
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and I had the ride of my emotional life. The initial elation of ‘doing something scary’ wore off within 20 minutes. That turned into sadness, followed by frustration and mild anger. My monkey brain had a horrible time.
The worst thing is, I started to think she was a bad person, which is disgusting.
“Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by incompetence.” — Robert J. Hanlon
Firstly, it’s all my fault. They were my consequences to deal with. However — none of the above would have happened with a simple “no”. It wasn’t her duty, though it would have been nice.
Maybe I should expect less, and it’d probably help if I didn’t ask people to make snap decisions about my potential as a mate. But here’s an idea: if you’re in the position to say yes or no, say yes or no. Don’t leave people hanging, because the stories we tell ourselves are far worse than the reality of an answer.
Any wine recommendations to pair with that cheese? ↩